Mental Health Blog - 9th December 2019

 Mental Health Blog - 9th December

Those who keep us anxious!

I've been planning my wedding and I have been thinking about my relationships with people around me. As I am sorting invitations really makes me think about who is close to me and who isn't. Especially with a small wedding as I only want your nearest and dearest, essentially those who make me happy. I haven't found it to be the happiest experience as life is complicated. Then I get frustrated as I am like it's my/Russ fucking day, not anybody’s else's. To be honest, I think it is one of many reasons why it has taken this long. 

Honestly, I have been thinking about these days for so long. Firstly, because I love Russ so much and I want him in my life forever. Secondly, ugh! I have so many people that make me happy and then there are the people that I have an extremely complex relationship with. Part of me goes "just do what you want, Joe" and then part of me goes "but they are family". But, what is family! Is it just blood or is it the bonds we make. Cause I have a strong belief that it is the bonds we make. I want to be very careful when I say that because it's all about the bonds. They can be forged and they can become broken. Unfortunately, some of my bonds with some people have become so badly broken. I can see what's left of the bonds. They are there, but I am holding on to them and it hurts. I can't let go but I should and when I do, am I ready for the repercussions. I guess it's the whole bandaid argument do you peel it off slowly or yank it off. I think I've been doing it slowly for years and it's just caused some festering wounds. 

Again, I am a people pleaser and a lot of times I am doing this for other people. Also, my happiness needs to come into consideration. 

Some tough choices lay Infront of me...