Mental Health Blog 5th February 2020

Mental Health Blog 5th February 2020

Limbo…

I am in limbo at the moment and I am letting things slip. I can see that I am doing it and I am doing nothing to correct it. Not depressed, at least I don't think I am depressed at the moment. Not even numb! I would almost say I've got a hint of nihilism. Almost as if I don't care and when I do care I get really passionate about it, angry or happy. It's like I got a certain amount of fucks and feel like I am saving them to binge on. 

I think I am frustrated with myself and I am waiting for that "I've got it moment!" Or is my anxiety just sitting there going "just accept, you've failed". Possibly a third thing or a mix of the two. Whatever it is, I haven't got out of bed throughout January except to go to work and the gym. Frankly, it's embarrassing. 

The cherry on top has been our wedding venue messing with us… So our wedding is pushed back - Again!

The only offset I have at the moment that is giving my life any flavour is my job. I have met amazing people, that some would kill to meet. I shhh'ed a Spice Girl and got into some banter - Some people would live off that for an age. I am sure in the future I will look back on my adventures very fondly. However, the here and now of no money and not having my own place is just eating at me. I am starting to feel like a loser and that is one thing that I will never let happen.

So I need to get up… Make some phone calls… Accept help when offered! I will get out of this! Just need to get over this cold - the whipped cream on the cherry on top! FUCK!

Please take care of yourself and seek help if you need it x