Mental health blog - 26th Sept 2019

Mental health blog - 26th Sept 2019

Sooo, here goes I am gonna start writing mental health blogs and see how they go. Get my thoughts written down, might sound like rambling sometimes and might have grammar issues. Hey, I am dyslexic! I do my best and I think my language skills are alright. Also fear stops you doing things and I've had a lifetime of anxiety to deal with that. 

Anyway, I am feeling meh, with a touch of positivity. The meh comes down to some odd chest pains that I am sure are muscular and I know I've gotta change my diet (stomach acid issues). The positivity comes from the hope things might be moving forward. Nothing has happened yet, but I feel like I am reading the tea leaves (feeling)

But, I can't stop the nagging in my head are things going to be more of the same. The past five years have been bullshit… I've gone from having an amazing career and beautiful home to living with my other parents. Who are wonderful I might add. Still with all the missteps that have happened makes me worried about taking the next step or making something of the opportunities I am presented with. I feel like I have put my Anxiety and depression in check at the moment. However, it always feels like the cage they are kept in is about as effective Arkham Asylum at times.

(Joker is Anxiety and Depression is Mr. Freeze - random side thought…)

I really keep getting my head stuck on what I've lost and the shit I've had to put up with. It's like a fucking chain around my neck and it won't let go. Then the fear to try something new, creates a fear of adding to that link in the chain around my neck. Also that fear is turning into shame which sucks… ugh! Then that shame turns to anger which simmers into horrid depression. Then hopelessness and I hate those days, as it feels like someone has turned out the lights. 

I am extremely fortunate to have someone who with just one smile and cuddle can guide me back. However, it has been tough for us lately and feel it has been a test for us. I think in the end we will be stronger for it. With all things, there is no magical bullet. The only way forward is work. I know we are willing to put it in...

So end this little ramble… I've got beautiful Man and amazing friends around me… I will succeed and for the days I don't I've got them. 

And anyone who reads this… You are allowed to have a down day. You are allowed to talk to people about this. Do not suffer in silence! You are not a burden. You don't have to man up! And Hugs xxx