Mental Health Blog - 19th November 2019

 Mental Health Blog - 19th Nov

Anger and Acceptance, then a kind of Peace and Happiness… That's what I would title this blog post if did such a thing. I have realised that I am on the whole a lot happier than I've been for a long time. I am smiling laughing and occasionally walking around with a slight smile. Seriously, my face is not used to this. I am used to a slack feeling and when I see someone I would put on my mask. However, if people catch me without my mask - I feel exposure and desperation to put that mask back on without them noticing. 

This has changed lately as I think I've come to accept a lot of things. Which is leading me to make some strong choices that I would never of done only a few months back. I now accept that I can't change things and I accept that it isn't my responsibility to make everyone happy. 

People have asked me why I have come to these decisions and I have noticed I have been a hotbed of angry lava. Sometimes I am concerned that I've gone to far and then I think "nope, that was me being honest with myself and this what happens when you bottle things up for others' feelings. Cause no one is taking mine into account". As I've always been the type of guy to broker peace and not rock the boat. Basically that guy with anxiety "please don't, I am so uncomfortable, this is embarrassing, panic" and I've come to the conclusion "Nah, people are responsible for their actions and it isn't my job to cover for them to make others happy". 

So in short, I accept I can't change the past, however, if you keep pulling that stunt don't expect me to be pulling the safety rope. You are on your own. 

I guess that is what is putting my anxiety to bed. Just got a new travelling companions Acceptance, Peace and that guy Anger. Although, I suspect it's just Anxiety wearing a biker jacket and pretending to be cool. 

I am just protecting me at the moment and that's ok! I just need to know when to let others in, I am lucky to have my wonderful man to help me find my way. 

Please as always! If you need help please reach out to who you need to. Take care of yourself x