Mental Health Blog - 11th November 2019

 Mental Health Blog - 11th November 2019

It's been a couple of weeks since I've written one of these. Not because I've been unhappy or I've been 🎵 walking on Sunshine! 🎵. I've been more thoughtful and kinda angry. Angry in the sense that no matter how far I have come. One person or one interaction can knock me right over. Then I get really annoyed at how I've handled it and makes question myself or pissed off because I normally don't let people have that power. But, then I think "Shit, I am gonna learn from this! I have the power! (Insert HE-MAN)" Seriously, I am not gonna let someone take my masculinity, my self-identity, my potency #fuckthat.
Cause, it fucked me up and I found myself to be ineffectual and guessing myself for the past few weeks.

Essentially, where this has come from situations where I have been scared, intimidated or frustrated by situations or people and each occasion it harkened back to past incidents. Which makes me feel like an imposter and I am all front and everyone will think I am a loser, weak, small, poor, stupid, liar and my opinions don't count. Then I remind myself I am NONE of those things and then I feel shame for feeling/thinking that. Fuck me, it sucks! HARD! And when I have wanted to kill myself those are things that floating around my head.
The kicker is I always find it is people I try to assist, show respect or you want them to like me. (Sigh, took a moment)

So, I am not gonna let people get away with thinly veiled homophobic bullshit or stand when people try to categorise me. I will educate the hell out of someone if they think being gay makes me less of man - Sorry sweethearts! Cause being chauvinistic, bigoted and a letchy makes them fragile little boys. I am more of a man than those children will ever be

They can try to intimate me, belittle me, beat me, judge me, look down on me, scare me. But, guess what mother fuckers I am standing here strong and firm saying "I am scared" and they are the ones who are really intimidated.
Thanks for reading and as always if you need help please reach out to whoever you need too. If you need further help.

www.counselling-directory.org.uk